Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
