My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
