I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
