this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
