Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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