yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
