unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
