I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We are all done wearing pants today
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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