I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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