so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
