and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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