Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
