i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
