Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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