I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
