I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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