Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
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it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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