you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
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Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
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I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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