listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
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There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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