Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
