They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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