i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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