I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
