Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
