apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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