He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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