put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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