Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
