I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
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She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
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"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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