Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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