oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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