I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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