all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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