Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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