I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
