"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
