genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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