Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
