I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Randomize
