I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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