Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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