So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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