I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
