margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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