i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
