Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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