I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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