I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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