So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
