I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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