When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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