Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
God, I missed his penis.
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