I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
