yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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