Can i not drive my cunt home
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
