I want to stick my p in your. b.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
