Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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