Soap is not a condiment
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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