Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
