Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
