My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
