i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize