I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
