Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
