she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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