I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
