Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
