I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
