she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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