Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
