I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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