is your mom at the bar?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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