can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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