I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
